'till we meet again...

Its been just a few weeks since my grandfather past away. I have been wanting to write about it, but have also been struggling to get the strength to do so. I admired my grandfather so much, not only as a grandparent, but as a father to me. I was raised in a non-traditional family situation; with my parents divorced, we lived with my grandparents who helped my mom raise us. They fed us, took us to school, picked us up from school, took us shopping, taught us how to garden, and much much more.  (This doesn't mean that my mother didn't take care of us, it was just like we had extra parents around).

I am trying to think of some of my favorite memories to share about my grandparents, but feel like I have so many that I could go on for days. They both took good care of my family and loved us all dearly.

My Grandmother, Margaret Kelley White, passed away nearly 4 years ago. And every day since, my Grandfather has wanted to be with her. For those of you who don't know, my grandfather suffered from diabetes and was blind for many years. Most recently, he lost ALL sight and lived in total darkness.  He used to say that he would ask his late wife to come and get him so he could be with her. My mom and aunt use to tell him she was having too much fun without him with her sisters and parents in heaven. He would just chuckle and say, "you are probably right." Well, she was ready for him on May 25th and couldn't be without him any longer. It was obviously hard on all of family, but also comforting to know that not only was he not suffering anymore, but he was with the one he loved dearly.

I don't want to go in depth with his actually passing, but he was with my aunt and went peacefully. My aunt was told it was soon, so her and the nurse held his hand, told him to go to the light and to my grandmother. When they said this, he got a little smile on his face because he knew he was with her again.

I know there is no evidence of what the afterlife looks like or what really happens to us, but I know that my grandparents are together and are watching over us. I want to say it was too soon for my grandfather to pass away, but I look at how much time I did get with him. I remember telling him after my grandmother passed away that he needed to see me get married; which he made it to. I also told him he needed to see me have a child, and he did. He got to hold Max when he was just a couple months old and got to see him up until he was 22 months old. When we would go to Boise, Grandpa was always anxious to hold Max and spend time with him. My mom would also call when she was over there on weekends and let Grandpa listen to the new words Max would say over the phone. I am so grateful that my grandfather got to hold and spend time with my child, his great-grandson.  Since grandpa couldn't see, everyone always tried to explain what Max looked like to him. I feel like now, he knows exactly what he looks like and what a beautiful child he is.  It was so comforting to know that in the afterlife, my grandfather is now in a perfect spiritual body. He has his sight back and is truly able to see what us grandchildren have grown into.  Spirits have always freaked me out, but I know that Max will always have someone watching over him to make sure he is taken care of.

I honestly can't describe how much I love my grandparents and how grateful I am that I had them in my life. Yes, I use to be embarrassed that they would pick me up in the largest boat car from school, but I look back and now know how much they both sacrificed to ensure that my brothers and myself were taken care of.

I hope that they both know that I love them dearly and strive to be like them. I may try and push them out of my head because there are days that I am not strong enough to think about them. I hope they don't think that I don't love them, but it is that I love them too much to think about them. I will miss them every day that I am alive and hope that I can be a better person because they were in my life.

Walter White was one of the best men that has lived. He will truly be missed, but I know he has a big smile on his face with my Grandmother's hand in his.